Watching the Olympic snowboard half-pipe the other day, I was struck dumb. Not by the ridiculousness of the sport – although it does bring out the fuddy-duddy in me – but by the U.S. uniforms. They are, on top, fake flannel and on the bottom, fake denim. The “jeans” have phony fading and phony rips. The whole thing is made of Gore-Tex (which I like to think of as a long lost election result, not as a magical fabric) and was created by Burton so ski bums could imitate urban hipsters imitating cowboys.
It’s not surprising really. Snowboarding is the most derivative of sports, as I discovered a few years ago when I wrote about an event in NY: “On any given day in New York’s Union Square, one might find a variety of exhibitionists: skateboarders practicing their kickflips, punk rockers riding impossibly tall bicycles, armor-clad “knights” battling with broadswords (They call themselves the Society for Creative Anachronism). If there weren’t already enough hindrances to the harried pedestrian, now snowboarders have joined the fray. The other night they flaunted their own creative anachronism: the “rail jam.” (Read on).
I wish they went all the way with it and when the snowboarders went down to grab a rail they exposed a fake plumber’s crack with a fake tramp stamp and fake thong strap. Or for the men how about a fake Skoal ring on the fake back pocket?
— Rich Mar 1, 06:06 PM #
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