There was a time when the only distinction between us and a world-class soccer player was a brilliant first touch — and a garage full of Bentleys. But then — we don’t know how this happened! — we realized all the great players were much younger than us. It’s not like we at WGATU are geezers by most standards, but look at Arsenal, the tween team. The average age of their starting 11 against Villareal in the Champions League was 22-and-a-half. If we suddenly discovered a pill (er, training regimen) that gave us Kaka-like control and blazing speed, we still don’t think we’d fit in the Arsenal locker room. We’d miss all the Twilight references. Read on at ESPN.