Green Bay at Dallas (-6.5, 51.5)
Stefan: Looking for a way to bet on the plucky Packers against the cocky Cowboys? You’ve come to the right place. Take Green Bay and the Over as separate bets. Green Bay has to score 23 points (that’s seven field goals and a safety, naturally) for you to be safe on at least one side of the bet. The Cowboys can score, but they gave up 23 to Washington two weeks ago.
Brooke: It’s fan Favre vs his chRomosonal clono. Neither of these swinging dicks will be without their mojo Thursday night. But a happy TO spells doom for the Big Geeses. Take the Over and the Boys separately.
Jets at Miami (-1, 38)
Stefan: This is it: the game of the week. Seriously. This is Miami’s best shot down the stretch, and they know it. So do the Jets, who unfortunately had to take a bye after beating Pitt two Sundays ago. I’m betting on the Jets because I’m in love with the golden notion of a winless/undefeated scenario in the AFC East, but the better bet here is the Over. These teams always score on each other, and crazy shit happens when they meet.
Brooke: Miami is winless, and they are favored as of this writing. That means Vegas is daring you to accept the fact that 0 can in fact be more that 2. I can and will accept that fact. Miami, and in a separate bet, the Under.
Jacksonville at Indianapolis (-7, 45)
Stefan: Give Indy one of their injured tackles back, and this would be no trouble. But not only are they hurting, they’re already thinking about the playoffs. They’ll sit anybody that’s only kinda-sorta busted up. Even so, I can’t bring myself to bet against Indy at home. Tease the Colts with another morsel, like the Cleveland/Arizona Over.
Brooke: You ever hear about the locker room game where you walk up behind a seated teammate and put your genitals on his head? Women find this harder to do, but I have been told it is possible. Anyway, he feels the disturbance in his hair and swats at what he thinks is a fly or something. Your job is to get your junk out of his hair before you get hurt, or you find out you like getting caught. Well, in the grand sense, this is the game Indy has been playing with Jags for the last decade or so. Garrard has better reflexes than Leftwich ever did, and Jacksonville will come away with a bruised bit of Colt man flesh. The Colts will not like it one bit. I like Jax or a tease w/the Under.
New York(-1.5) at Chicago (43)
Stefan: Ugh. We pick the New York games because we live here, but seriously, I wouldn’t put money on this if I weren’t an inveterate gambler. The Under seems most reasonable, imagining a game like the one the Giants played in Detroit a few weeks ago. You can bet Tom Coughlin isn’t going to have a lot of complex passing in this one, and Chicago can’t score, as long as their opponents have the sense to kick it out of bounds every time.
Brooke: If I had to start Eli “The Curse” Manning or Rex “He Might Just Work a Miracle” Grossman for the Bills against the Skins on Sunday, I would pick Eli. But if I had to bet which of these two teams is making the playoffs, I would pick the Bears. Chicago wins it and the plan for a Grossman statue in downtown Chicago gets a boost.
Tampa at New Orleans (-3, 41.5)
Stefan: It’s all about Garcia. He’s questionable, which probably means he starts. If he starts, they probably win outright. I hate games involving New Orleans, because in a crazy year, they’re the most raving batshit team in the NFC. Might play Tampa and the Over as separate bets. If the Saints are firing on all cylinders, you get your Over, and Tampa wins a slugfest, but you might get both.
Brooke: Let’s put it this way: Both Tampa and NO will bring their A game to the dome, but the difference is that sometimes the Saints just can’t remember what row they left it in. Tampa on the other hand hasn’t laid an egg all year. They compete on every down, and that will be the difference. TB is the pick.
Cincinnati at Pittsburgh (-7, 48)
Stefan: Well, if it’s raining, throw your house, watch, IRA, and first born on the Under. If not, I’m more partial to Pitt than the points.
Brooke: Pitt fails to impress. We’re talking a near 0-0 overtime at home win against an 0-10 team. A loss to the Jets. And their best win of the year was a three-pointer in a mad comeback against the Browns. Cinci ain’t no great shakes, but like Stefan says if the weather is alright to throw, I’ll take Cinici and the over separately. But if it’s another bog out there, I’ll double up on the under.
New England (-20.5) at Baltimore (51.5)
Stefan: Philadelphia can score points and had a great offensive scheme. More than that, they laid it on the line and played with abandon. Onside kick in the first quarter? Awesome. So, have they shown the Ravens the path to the promised land? Not bloody likely. Let’s say that they stop the Pats on three out of every four drives. Given the three and out bonanza that is the Baltimore offense, that should give Brady and company plenty of time to cover.
Brooke: Tom Brady needs to throw 11 TD’s in the next 5 games to break Manning’s TD record. Baltimore will not get a first in the first half. 35-0 at half. 63-7 final score. They won’t let you tease NE these days so play NE and the Over.